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The stories we tell

Do you remember buying your first car? The stories you told yourself about what was important about that first car? Did you want a red car (because they go faster)? Was it important to have a bull-bar (because you drive on a road with kangaroos)? What stories did you tell yourself about what was important?

Back in 1995, when I bought my first car, this purchase was heavily influenced by my Dad. He told me that the best cars were Japanese cars. The top three (in his view) were Toyota, Mazda and Subaru. Although I trusted my Dad’s judgement on what made a good car, I bought a Honda. I liked it’s sleek sporty two door look. It suited the image story I told myself. The salesman, sensing my doubts over Dad’s list, reassured me that the Honda was also built in Japan.

In my view, based purely on the upbringing from my Dad, Japanese cars were built better, would last longer and be more reliable. That story didn’t help me when the clutch failed on my (new to me) Japanese built car after the first two weeks of owning it.

Changing stories

I needed that car to get myself to my job and I had to sort it out. The car dealer had the opportunity to contribute to the next part of the story. They wouldn’t admit it was a warranty issue. They implied that because I was a ‘girl’ I probably didn’t know what a clutch was meant to feel like. I was 24 at the time (yes, a late bloomer as far as buying first cars go) and had been driving manual cars since I was 16 or earlier. I’d used a clutch or two in my time…

I had to fight long and hard for the dealer to fix the clutch under warranty. I was without a car for months, and I had to tackle an inconvenient public transport system. The whole experience changed everything for me. For a good long while the story I told myself was that used car dealers were sexist and that they sucked at customer service. (I have since worked in retail car sales and I know a lot of very decent, honest, caring people in that industry. I would never want to tar them with this story brush. Others, though, I would paint in high-vis fluoro to alert people to the danger lying therein – pardon the pun. But I digress…)

We all have frames

Red cars go faster ... or is that just a story we tell ourselves?

Maybe the story is not that we want a red car because it goes faster, but what it is that the red car says about us.

Perhaps we tell ourselves that a red car allows us to be perceived as unique.

Maybe what is important about the bull-bar is not only about the Kangaroos, but about how we feel that extra bit protected with an extra lump of metal between us and the car in front.

The stories we tell ourselves frame our existence. If our view is that ALL used car sales people are jerks, we’re unlikely to go and buy a used car from any of them. Some of us believe the story that says we’ll get a better deal if we buy a car privately. Others hold the belief that a vehicle purchased with warranty is always a better risk.

When it comes to how we do our marketing, it doesn’t matter whether you agree with the story I believe. It only matters that you believe that my story matters to me. That you have empathy for what my experience is. You may not agree with it. It may not be your experience. But that you say “I see your story. It’s not my story. I don’t believe what you believe. And that is OK.”

Which frame will you choose?

The way I see it, there are two options:

“I have this product/service to sell, I’ve worked very hard to make it, I have a lot invested in it. You should buy it.”

“I see you. I realise that you may be nervous about this. How can I help you move past that fear so that you can know what I know and experience what I experience?”

We can appear over-eager, or even desperate. It can feel like all that matters is making the sale. Or we can make the choice to be kind, supportive helpful people who are here to serve rather than just to make a buck. Very few of us don’t need to make a buck, but it’s our choice whether we do it in a way that lifts others.

To do that, we have to see the need – those deeper, more hidden underlying stories that people tell themselves. It means having empathy for their perspective and determining how best to help them, to make the choice to serve with empathy.

If we choose the right frame our approach changes. It moves from being one of desperation and entitlement to one founded in kindness and generosity. The world needs more of both of those things.

What stories do your customers want YOU to know?

PS. If your customer stories seem more like a mystery novel, give me a yell. I’d love to help you see your customers in a whole new way.

Don’t do what I do

In a group of similar people, it’s often tempting to ask others how they do things. It’s a comfort to feel a sense of ‘sameness’, knowing that we’re not alone. Surely if others have succeeded then we may be able to repeat their formula and do the same.

Some things are pretty straight forward: how to install a software package; how do I register a business; how do I set up an email address?

With marketing, each of our customer and client scenarios are unique, because our people who matter are unique. We are dealing with real humans. Everyone we deal with – from the CEO of a large company down to the work at home Mum trying to run a side-hustle – has worries, hopes, fears, memories, desires and needs.

Mathematically speaking

Let’s say you’re a maths tutor.

Your customers might be parents, between the ages of 30-50, above average income, two cars, a mortgage and children aged 9- 14.

All of that may be correct – and useful – if you’re doing some kind of demographic targeting. Psycho-graphics give us an alternative view on these people, so we have to ask different questions.

What matters to these people? What does it give them if their children improve or succeed? How does it improve or maintain their perceived status?

It might be that your customers care deeply about their children not falling behind in school. It may bring back memories for them about the failings of their own education. Alternatively, those parents may have been high achievers at school. It may be important for their own sense of status to ensure that their children have the same experience.

Whatever the stories that our clients/customers tell themselves, what matters is that we are helping them achieve what they want to achieve.

Marketers make change. We change people from one emotional state to another. We take people on a journey; we help them become the person they’ve dreamed of becoming, a little bit at a time.
THIS IS MARKETING – Seth Godin

If we frame our marketing this way, it becomes less about how our cohorts are doing it and more about finding the best way to connect with the people who seek the change we’re offering.

Not doing what I’m doing is what is needed

Don’t do what I do because it might work for you. Do the things that WILL help others become what they want to be*. With care and commitment it WILL work for you.

*Stay tuned – next week I’m going to delve into one of the most frequently asked questions… ‘what do people want’! Follow my Facebook page for more info.

If you want to get started on building the strategy that can reach and connect with your customers, get in touch here.

12 months on

"This is marketing" bestselling book by Seth Godin — Seth Godin’s bestselling book, “THIS IS MARKETING” which was compiled based on the seminar I participated in. Feel so grateful to have been a part of it.

12 months ago, I commenced Seth Godin’s “The Marketing Seminar” and 120 or so days later, I finished it.

Except, that I didn’t really finish it… Getting to the end of the supplied content was somewhat aptly called ‘Commencement’ and there’s a good reason for that. It was just the beginning.

It was the start of me seeing things very differently. The most important thing for me to rediscover at the time was that marketing doesn’t have to suck the enthusiasm and life force out of you just to ‘make a buck’, and for me making a buck comes secondary to doing stuff that matters.

It doesn’t have to suck to make a buck.
Heather Smith

Although marketing is how I earn my living I felt like earning it was draining me of my will to live (metaphorically speaking, of course). Each day I felt less and less motivated to do it. I felt fake, insincere, and like I was doing things I really didn’t believe in (because, let’s face it, I probably was). My nasty inner voice kept saying to me “who am I to be telling people how to do this stuff “.

If people want to know, how can I NOT tell them?

The Marketing Seminar changed all that. I had several ‘ah ha’ moments during the seminar, one of which was about the true value of empathy (I’ll talk more on this another day – it’s several topics unto itself). The other most valuable insight was that I was doing people a disservice by NOT sharing what I know, and that by helping people do better marketing I can help them achieve their dreams. I’m not talking about airy fairy ‘buy more shit to fill up my house’ dreams. I mean the kind of dreams that change the world (even on a small scale) or even the kind of dreams that allow you to do your really fulfilling work for the people who need what you’re offering.

That nasty inner voice of mine is wrong, I’m the perfect person to share what I know with others who want to see their change happen. Not because I’m better than anyone else but because I want to help them know what I know. Finding out WHO you need to reach, what matters to those people and sharing your story with them is the way to see change happen.

And that is what marketing really is.

And I can help with that…

The only thing worse than starting something and failing, is not starting it in the first place.
Seth Godin

12 months on is better than never

So, it’s been 12 months since I did ‘The Marketing Seminar’ and this is where it starts, where the rubber hits the road. This is the first of (I hope) 52 blog posts for the year (and email communications if you’re on my email list) because it’s time for me (albeit 12 months late) to make a start on helping you reach the people you seek to serve.

But wait, there’s more…

Like the six free steak knives you never knew you needed, I’ve also got something to offer… I have a spare copy of “This is Marketing” by Seth Godin and I don’t need two of them.

Head on over to my Facebook page and tell me (in a comment on the post for this article) what your biggest frustration is with your marketing. I’ll post my spare copy to the person who I think it can help the most.

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